Turning Setbacks into Strength: Understanding and Overcoming Alcohol Relapse

Ooops!…I did it again

There is nothing more soul destroying that relapsing after a period of sobriety. The temptation to just say fuck it and go on an all out bender can be overwhelming.

Alcohol relapse is a common, yet challenging, aspect of recovery. Many people find themselves struggling with the cycle of recovery and relapse before achieving lasting sobriety.

I was in a relapse cycle for 8 years before I got sober. Today I am 17 years sober (a day at a time) so to anyone stuck in the relapse cycle, please don’t give up. There is hope even in your darkest hour. 

As they say it is often darkest before the dawn.

Relapse Begins in the Mind

It’s important to understand that a relapse begins long before you pick up that first drink. A relapse begins in the mind and is often the result of a buildup of emotional and mental stressors. 

These were the kinds of thinking patterns which used to infiltrate my mind before I relapsed with alcohol:

• Maybe cutting down to weekend/monthly/yearly drinking is a more realistic option
• Drinking is a normal part of socialising – people won’t like me if I don’t drink
• How will I socialise/make friends/find a partner if I don’t drink
• How will I get through Christmas/birthdays if I don’t drink
• Those people in AA meetings are all crazy – I can do this on my own
• Maybe I should smoke pot/do other drugs instead of drinking

And the most powerful thought…maybe I should just try one drink…surely I can control it this time.

In my drinking years I felt a bit like a schizophrenic – one side of me was convincing me of all the ‘benefits’ of drinking and the other (rational) side was hoping with all my will that I would never touch a drop of alcohol again.

After a bender, I would swear off for good and would begin the process of rebuilding my life – getting food and hydrating to recover physically, apologising to people, hoping I wouldn’t get sacked from work for my absenteeism.

Stopping drinking was never the problem for me. It was the staying stopped that was the problem.

I would get sober for 2 or 3 weeks and then the obsession to take that first drink would enter my mind and haunt me – until I took that first glass of ‘relief’.

Common Triggers for Alcohol Relapse

Certain situations or feelings can increase the risk of relapse, especially if they go unchecked. 

Here are some of the most common relapse triggers:

• Stress: High-stress situations, whether from work, relationships, or personal struggles, are a leading cause of relapse. Learning healthy ways to manage stress can reduce the risk.
• Social Pressure: Being around people who drink or in settings where alcohol is prevalent can make it difficult to maintain sobriety, especially if you feel pressured to join in.
• Emotional Distress: Feelings of sadness, anger, loneliness, or even boredom can lead to thoughts of drinking as a way to escape or cope.
• Overconfidence: After a period of sobriety, it’s natural to feel more confident. However, this can sometimes lead to underestimating the risks of “just one drink,” which can quickly spiral into a full relapse.

Warning Signs of a Potential Relapse

Relapse typically follows a predictable pattern, with warning signs appearing along the way. Being aware of these signs can help you or a loved one take action before the first drink:

• Emotional Relapse: In this stage, you may not be actively thinking about drinking, but your emotions and behaviours start to shift. Signs include isolating, neglecting self-care and bottling up emotions rather than dealing with them.
• Mental Relapse: As emotional struggles increase, thoughts of drinking start to creep in. This may involve romanticising past drinking experiences, justifying “controlled drinking,” or planning ways to drink without getting caught.
• Physical Relapse: The final stage of relapse is taking that first drink. By this point, the emotional and mental buildup can feel overwhelming, and it’s difficult to resist the urge. Physical relapse often happens quickly, but knowing the early signs can help prevent it from happening.

What to do after a relapse

It’s important to change your perspective after a relapse. Instead of beating yourself up about it, think what you can learn. Recovery from alcohol isn’t a continuous upwards trajectory. Often a relapse contains the seeds of growth and key insights into your alcoholism.

Here are some positive actions you can take after a relapse:

• Phone a recovery buddy or your sponsor if you have one. Speaking to another alcoholic in recovery will help you (as well as them!)
• Drink plenty of water to hydrate and eat small meals to build your strength up.
• Journal. Write down the thought process that led you to taking the first drink. If you are honest with yourself you will gain insights into the pattern of lies you told yourself.
• Have a shower/bath and change into clean clothes. When I was drinking I neglected personal hygiene. Cleaning yourself up will help you put the past behind you.
• Get to a meeting as soon as you feel physically better.

It’s important not to compare yourself with others, especially those that seemed to stay sober after their first AA meeting. Every alcoholic is on their own recovery path. In my case I needed to relapse many times to cut through the denial that I am an alcoholic.

Every relapse I went through broke down that denial, bit by bit.

Turn a negative into a positive

There is always something to be learnt from a negative or challenging situation. In fact, in the years since I’ve been sober, I have faced many BLTs (basic life tests). These are challenging times I’ve been through that have enabled me to grow as a person and learn valuable lessons about myself.

Think of a relapse as a BLT in your journey towards permanent sobriety. Ask yourself the following:

• What was your state of mind on the day you relapsed? How were you feeling during the week before you decided to take that first drink?
• Were you on your own or was there a particular person or group you were with when you started to drink?
• In the days prior to your relapse, were you looking after yourself? Were you eating properly, exercising, or sleeping enough?
• Were you experiencing stress or were you angry?

Asking yourself these questions and writing them down in a journal or talking about them with a recovery buddy or therapist, is a way you can turn your ‘negative’ relapse into a positive event that will leave you better equipped to resist next time you are thinking about taking a drink.